Understanding Autistic Meltdowns

The National Autistic Society (2020) describes Autistic meltdowns as “an intense response to an overwhelming situation. It happens when someone becomes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and temporarily loses control of their behaviour. This loss of control can be expressed verbally (e.g., shouting, screaming, crying), physically (e.g., kicking, lashing out, biting), or in both ways.”

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Autistic meltdowns are intense, often overwhelming emotional experiences. Unlike a tantrum, which involve a degree of control, Autistic meltdowns are involuntary responses to extreme stress or sensory overload. A meltdown is not an attempt at manipulation; rather, it is a clear signal of significant internal distress.

Although meltdowns may involve visible behaviours such as shouting, hitting, or self-harming, they are also marked by deeply distressing internal experiences (Lewis & Stevens, 2023). Some individuals experience internalised meltdowns, masking their emotional pain to avoid stigma, discrimination, or other negative consequences. These hidden meltdowns can be just as painful, even if they are not outwardly apparent (Lewis & Stevens, 2023).

The Rumble Stage

Some Autistic individuals notice signs of increased sensitivity and stress leading up to a meltdown. This pre-meltdown phase is often referred to as the “rumble stage” (National Autistic Society, 2020). Common signs may include:

• increased anxiety and irritation

• a heightened need for routine or reassurance (e.g., asking repetitive questions)

• more frequent stimming

• decreased patience

• a desire to withdraw

Recognising these early signs can be a cue to slow down, cancel plans if needed, and remove yourself from overwhelming environments. Engage in calming strategies such as listening to your favourite music, spending time with a special interest, using soothing stims like rocking or deep pressure (if preferred), and utilising sensory tools like noise-cancelling headphones or sunglasses can help you return to baseline. Minimising social interaction can also be helpful.

As you learn to identify your own rumble signs, you may notice unique indicators such as food tasting strange or colours appearing too bright. Understanding these personal warning signs can help you intervene earlier and possibly reduce the intensity of an oncoming meltdown. However, even with early intervention, meltdowns are not always preventable—and that’s okay.

What Triggers an Autistic Meltdown?

Too many demands (sensory, social, work, academic, etc.) on a person's nervous system can lead to a meltdown.

Just as non-autistic (allistic) people experience the world differently, every Autistic person has unique triggers. These can vary depending on energy levels, burnout, or the presence of multiple stressors. Common triggers include:

• Sensory overload: Loud noises, bright lights, rough textures, or crowded spaces.

• Disruptions to routine: Sudden or unexpected changes in plans.

• Emotional overwhelm: Intense feelings of stress, anxiety, or even excitement.

• Social challenges: Difficulty with communication or interpreting social cues.

• Demand-heavy environments: Stressful settings like work or school.

• Major life transitions: Moving, starting school or a new job, relationship changes, etc.

• General stress or lack of sleep.

• Hormonal changes, particularly in AFAB individuals, which can increase vulnerability to meltdowns during menstrual cycles, puberty, pregnancy, menopause, or other hormonal fluctuations such as beginning or changing birth control.

What Do Meltdowns Look Like?

“I can have the mild one which is when I’m crying, and I can have the not-so-mild one which is throwing things, hitting walls, head-butting things and slamming doors.” Belek, 2018  

Meltdowns vary widely in presentation and severity. Some individuals may appear outwardly calm while experiencing an intense internal meltdown, which can be just as harmful as visible meltdowns for the Autistic person.

In fact, Lewis and Stevens (2023) found that individuals who internalised their meltdowns often experienced significant emotional pain, negative self-worth, and self-harming behaviours, even if they managed to hide their distress from others. Internalised meltdowns can lead to long-term emotional harm and an increased risk of suicidal ideation.

While meltdowns look different for everyone, meltdowns commonly involve:

• Intense emotional outbursts (e.g., anger, anxiety, sadness)

• Physical behaviours such as hitting, kicking, or breaking objects

• Physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, shaking, or feeling hot or cold

• Increased stimming (e.g., rocking, pacing, head banging)

• Intense fight-or-flight responses (e.g., running away or withdrawing)

• Difficulty speaking and communicating, being unable to speak

• Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Coping & Management

Coping with meltdowns involves a combination of prevention and active regulation strategies. Creating a calm, predictable environment can reduce potential triggers, while sensory tools and soothing activities can help manage overwhelm when it arises. It’s also important to have a support plan in place and to show yourself compassion during recovery. Research by Phung et al. (2021) highlights several strategies that Autistic young people have found particularly helpful:

• Engaging in enjoyable physical activities

• Talking about a special interest

• Spending time with a trusted person or pet who listens without judgment

• Using deep pressure techniques, such as a firm hug

• Retreating to a quiet, familiar space for solitude

• Practicing calming techniques like deep breathing and visualisation

These approaches can offer both immediate relief during meltdowns and long-term support for emotional regulation. Remember, there is no single approach to managing or recovery from a meltdown – the important thing is to work out what works for you.

Recovery

Meltdowns are exhausting, both physically and mentally. Give yourself the time and space to rest. When you’re feeling better, reflect on what triggered the meltdown and what helped you cope, so you can better prepare for the future.

After the Event

When you are feeling calm and regulated, it can be helpful to:

• Advocate for accommodations in environments like work, school, or social settings to reduce potential triggers.

• Have open, honest conversations with your support team about what kind of support is most helpful—do this during a calm time, not during or immediately after a meltdown.

Supporting a Loved One

Meltdowns are not deliberate acts. They are distressing and overwhelming for the person experiencing them. If someone is in meltdown, approach them calmly and quietly. Help them move to a quieter environment and reduce sensory input. Avoid initiating conversation unless they want to talk. Do not touch the person without consent—unwanted touch can make things worse.

If the person is engaging in self-injurious behaviour, understand that this often serves a sensory or emotional need. Try redirecting this behaviour safely, for example by using deep pressure or offering alternative stim tools that mimic pain sensations.

Regulate Yourself to Support Co-Regulation

Meltdowns can be stressful to witness, but it's essential to stay calm and grounded. Focus on your own breathing and regulate yourself before attempting to support the other person.

Speak slowly and clearly and avoid yelling or trying to rationalise the situation. During a meltdown, talking too much or trying to provide logical explanations may add to distress. Instead, focus on being a steady, supportive presence. If the person finds it helpful, offer weighted blankets or toys, but never force anything on them.

Some people may benefit from co-regulation—like joining in on stimming behaviours such as rocking or swaying—if it feels appropriate and supportive. But be aware this can sometimes increase stimulation, so observe, listen, and respond flexibly. The key is to stay non-judgmental and affirm that you're a safe, supportive presence.

Support Recovery through Non-Judgment

After the meltdown, the person may experience feelings of shame or embarrassment. Let them know you understand what happened, you love them, and you're there for them however they need (even if that means alone time!). Reassure them that the overwhelming feelings will pass and that they are not alone.

When the individual is ready, listen to what they want to share. Be a supportive listener—this is not the time for giving advice or explanations. Just be there.

References

1. Belek, B. (2018). Articulating Sensory Sensitivity: From Bodies with Autism to Autistic Bodies. Medical Anthropology, 38(1), 30–43. https://doi.org/10.1080/01459740.2018.1460750

2. Lewis, L. F., & Stevens, K. (2023). The lived experience of meltdowns for autistic adults. Autism, 27(6), 1817-1825. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221145783

3. National Autistic Society. (2020, August 14). Meltdowns—A guide for all audiences. National Autistic Society. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences

4. Phung, J., Penner, M., Pirlot, C., & Welch, C. (2021). What I Wish You Knew: Insights on Burnout, Inertia, Meltdown, and Shutdown From Autistic Youth. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 741421. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.741421